Like a symmetrical echo of pain

There’s a very severe possibility you’re both going to get shot

Luke O'Neil

In January of 2016 Daniel Shaver was shot to death by a police officer at a La Quinta hotel in Mesa, Arizona. In the bodycam video from the shooting which you probably remember or more likely saw and then immediately tried to erase from your memory Shaver can be seen crawling on his hands and knees toward a number of police including Philip Brailsford who has his rifle trained on him. “There’s a very severe possibility you’re both going to get shot,” Sergeant Charles Langley says in the video and Shaver and a woman with him say they understand. “Shut up,” he says. “I’m not here to be tactful and diplomatic with you,” he says before ordering Shaver to put his hands on his head and perform all other manner of complicated moves with his arms and legs. Please don’t shoot me Shaver is crying and you know what I’m not gonna watch this again you can see it here if you want. You can watch them kill the guy.

Surprisingly Brailsford was actually fired and then charged with murder but unsurprisingly he was acquitted. Now two years later it turns out he was rehired by the department and allowed to medically retire due to he has PTSD from killing the guy in cold blood for nothing. He will receive a $2,569.21 pension every month for the rest of his life according to ABC 15 Arizona and since he’s twenty eight years old that is going to add up. Shaver was twenty six.

The AR-15 Brailsford used to kill him had the words “you’re fucked” scratched into the side of it and I guess that wasn’t just an empty threat.

This isn’t a shocking revelation or anything but I was reading some posts about what’s going on in the UK where apparently the queen can dismantle Parliament if they ask her to who the fuck even knew that was a thing and it reminded me that there's pretty much one type of piece of shit in the world and every country has them. You would think there would be more than one type but every country has the same motherfucker that we do here and their thing is always you 1) gotta love the bosses who beneficently allow you to live 2) poor people are mud and 3) some random sect are the real bad guys who are causing all of your problems.

It's a big world man so it's just weird we only came up with one type of bad guy and that in every place they have their supporters who see what they’re saying and say yes this is what I also believe.

The NCAA has once again denied an appeal from football player Brock Hoffman to be eligible to play at Virginia Tech this season. When an athlete transfers schools the NCAA makes them sit out a year unless they grant a waiver but Hoffman had a pretty good excuse for one which is that he transferred to be closer to his mother who had undergone surgery to remove a brain tumor according to the Roanoke Times. One of the things the NCAA said in denying the appeal is that it seemed like his mother was improving so I guess the implication there is she actually didn’t need her son around?

The family said she’s been having severe complications like facial paralysis which they explained in their appeal and then the NCAA came back after that and said well if her health is so bad why didn’t she retire from her teaching job?

“We have almost a million dollars of medical bills,” his father Brian Hoffman told the paper. “She’s a teacher and doesn’t have enough years to get full pay from her pension. We simply couldn’t afford it.”

Pretty cool!

I just went outside and there’s a big tall hedge in the backyard that separates where I’m supposed to go from where the old lady with the dog and the kid always playing wiffle ball are supposed to go and I noticed on top of the hedge there’s a Polar Ruby Red Grapefruit bottle resting there that someone must have thrown there last night and I guess that was me. Sometimes you wake up the next morning and there’s a water bottle resting on top of the hedge and you think what the fuck was whoever I was last night thinking when he did that and that is also what it’s like to wake up and read your tweets from the night before sometimes. The guy piloting your brain seemed to be really invested in some shit that you couldn’t care less about anymore.

I just saw a couple of tweets that didn’t particularly instill a lot of confidence in me about the idea of Joe Biden becoming president and in both cases he seems to be unable to remember Obama’s name.

In this one he calls him Rap Rock Obama which is pretty funny you have to admit.

I feel sympathy for him and for anyone going through age-related memory problems but that doesn’t mean I want him to be the president.

Maybe this is what it’s like when you’re older and stop remembering things it’s like you wake up every day and there’s a water bottle in the hedge and you can’t figure out who put it there.

The other too hot day I walked into the tattoo shop near where I go swimming and across the street from where the young Dominican boys drag a razor across my face and yell jokes back and forth to each other over the too loud music and I said hey man is anyone around to do a tattoo or something like that and the tattoo guy yelled back to me over a much different type of too loud music that there was in fact no one around at this particular moment in time perhaps I could come back so I did on another too hot day and this time there was someone around.

It was too hot to do anything never mind purchase a $150 scab and I said to the guy who had on all black and big heavy boots I said I have to respect your commitment to your look on a too hot day like this and he laughed and I said I guess it’s too late to turn back now.

I froze at the knees
When you told me you'd leave
And any meaningful thing I could say
Was somewhere locked away
Still, if ever you should need
Your place back here with me
I would open the old wound again
'Cause I hate how these things end

The Cherry Hill School District in New Jersey is dealing with a surfeit of students who have accumulated lunch debt like many other districts around the country so one of the solutions that superintendent Lynn Shugars proposed at a meeting earlier this month was to punish the kids with more than $10 in debt by giving them tuna sandwiches and to punish the kids with more than $20 in debt by giving them fuck all.

“Shugars said the district chose a tuna sandwich for children with more than $10 in debt ‘because we know that our little ones would probably very happily eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until the end of time,’ and giving the PB&Js out for lunch would not encourage debt payments. Also, peanut allergies are becoming more prevalent,” according to NBC News.

The tuna sandwiches will continue until morale improves she said more or less.

“If we don’t adhere to our policy, we’re going to be perpetually, I feel, chasing after this problem,” Shugars said.

“When she told the board that she believes students with debt more than $20 should not be fed, one person at the meeting noted that a student could accumulate that debt in a week, and asked if the threshold was too low.”

Everything else aside here since when is a tuna sandwich a punishment? A tuna sandwich is a gift from god.

Sometimes people who don’t have any tattoos ask if it hurts getting them and the answer is I honestly don’t know. A reporter interviewed me yesterday for a magazine about this newsletter and the book and he said sometimes he worries about me am I doing alright and the answer to that is also I honestly don’t know!

When I’m lying there on the tattoo table getting the scab put on my body forever it’s oddly peaceful in the same way it’s relaxing to me to sit in the dentist’s chair like I did yesterday. The lead up to the dentist makes me anxious like yesterday on the way to the dentist I was brushing and flossing last minute like the world’s dumbest murderer convinced he’s doing a good job of covering up the crime scene like the Jerry Lundegaard of tooth crime and then the dentist goes you should stop smoking it’s staining your teeth and I go Well, heck! If you wanna... If you wanna play games here, I'm working with ya on this thing here, but... Okay!

I think the reason both scenarios are peaceful to me is because I have to put my phone down and it doesn’t matter if the needle-gun putting the ink into my skin hurts or if that fucking water-scraper thing they have is hurting my teeth it’s nonetheless peaceful because I can’t look at the phone.

I never make an appointment for a tattoo I just like to show up and if there’s someone there ready to go then it was meant to be. Some people think about what their tattoo might be for months or years and then they tell you about it unprompted a lot of times like it’s a vacation they’ve been planning on taking and some people start walking into the tattoo place and go ah fuck it’s time to figure out what tattoo to get really not much time left on the clock here they say.

The thing I got this time was a panel from a comic book I had been reading called Old Man Logan which is about Wolverine in some sort of apocalyptic future time travel type deal and he’s the same guy we all know except he’s old now which means he can do all the stuff he used to do just not as well. In the drawing in question he’s getting hit with an arrow directly through the stomach and falling down into a pit or something and when I showed it to her Michelle said why are you always getting tattoos of arrows going through things and I said I don’t know.

An arrow will kill a person or an animal the same way a bullet will so I don’t want to say there’s anything beautiful about an arrow sticking out of something but there sort of is if I’m being honest. A bullet will burrow inside of you and destroy your organs but it stays hidden in there most times and someone has to go and dig it out but an arrow is different in that you can see it’s trajectory frozen in time.

I would not particularly enjoy finding out what it feels or looks like to have an arrow sticking out of me I imagine it would hurt very much but maybe if I were shot by an arrow and laying down there to die thinking about how bad it fucking hurts I might also think well at least I don’t have to look at my phone ever again.

Here’s a story from KTAR News in Arizona where a man had his home broken into and a shit load of his guns stolen and that all sounds pretty normal so far but the most normal thing about it is one of the guns that was taken was this Hello Kitty AR-15.

“Most of them are long guns, carbines or rifles,” Chandler Police Detective Seth Tyler told the station.

“Some of them were very rare and one or two of them are very unique, as well.”

Like the pink Hello Kitty semi-automatic. It’s an AR-15 rifle with a pink stock, pink grip and pink magazine. It also has a scope.

Tyler says anybody who knows anything about guns is going to understand how special some of these are, and they may show up for sale at gun shows.

“For those that are more than just novices to weapons, they would immediately recognize that some of these are very rare and unique,” says Tyler.

The cache of weapons carries a steep price tag. The value of the 13 guns has been estimated to be at least $10,000 but probably more because some of them are so unusual they’re difficult to put a dollar amount on.

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